*SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched Adolescence yet, you may not want to read this! 🥸*

Good morning!

I just finished watching Adolescence on Netflix. You might be wondering why it took me this long but it took me three attempts just to get through the first episode...it was so upsetting and intense. As a parent, I just wasn't sure I could do it. As an educator, I knew I *should*, so I persevered.

And I'm glad I did because it was extraordinary. So raw, so masterfully done, not to mention a soberingly real look at...well...adolescence. Since finishing the series, so many thoughts, reflections and questions have been swimming in my brain. 

Partly for my own processing, but also in hopes of offering you some insight, I've distilled my reflections into 5 take-aways:

Please note: These are reflections, not answers. So go easy on me! 🤩

1) Social media is everything to (most) preteens.

It isn't just background noise in these kids' lives, but pretty much a main character in the show. It shapes how they see themselves, how they think others see them and curating a life that gets approval.

Every post, like and comment is like a vote on their worth, leaving these kids wondering,  

❓"Am I hot enough?"

❓"Am I cool enough?"

❓"Am I popular enough?"

And in Jamie's case,  

❓"Is my body enough?" 

The result of the answer being "no" to any of these questions? Being branded as an "incel", an abbreviation for being involuntarily celibate. There are few things worse than that in boy world. 

And the pace of social media is relentless. Kids in the show talk about feeling like they can never log off — because if they do, they risk missing out or falling behind. The show does a great job of showing how the algorithm feeds their insecurities and keeps them hooked, even when they know it’s not healthy.

To some extent, none of this is new to us. But, wow, the stakes just seem so much higher. 

What I did find new (even though I pride myself on being up-to-date with preteen slang) is the emoji language that the kids were using...they even make sentences out of the darn things!

Rather than reinventing the wheel to create an emoji dictionary for you, here's a great one.

2) The "manosphere" is alive and well. 

It's made up of harmful online communities that push warped ideas about masculinity, power, and control. Seeping in quietly, often disguised as harmless "self-improvement" or "confidence building" content, it's insidious. And social media platforms (hi, algorithm 👋) serve up just the content to feed kids' insecurities:

🤮 Gender stereotypes ("Women just want money and status")

🤮 Control tactics ("Here’s how to ‘win’ in relationships")

🤮 Us-vs-them mentalities ("It’s men against the world")

It feels like empowerment to kids — but it’s not. It’s manipulation disguised as mentorship.

*Side note: I thought Jamie's dad making a casual observation that this type of content came up in his search for workout gear was especially skillful.* 

Here’s where it gets even grosser...

The manosphere loves to reference the so-called 80/20 rule — the (false) idea that 80% of women only want the top 20% of men.

They push this narrative hard to young boys, convincing them that unless they become hyper-masculine, wealthy, dominant, and aggressive, they’ll be left behind. 😞

Of course, this "rule" is deeply flawed, but to a vulnerable preteen brain looking for belonging and identity? It's gospel.

Oh, and you know the 💯 emoji? That's what's used to refer to it (guess I won't be using that one anymore). 

3) The cycle of violence is no joke. 

To me, Jamie's dad was the most quietly powerful character in Adolescence. He grew up in an environment where explosive anger, emotional suppression and power struggles were the norm.

But here’s the thing: he’s deeply aware of it.

He wants to do better.

He tries to do better.

And this is where the tension lies — because even when we know the patterns, and even when we’re determined to break them, old wiring runs deep.

The good news? Awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle — and Jamie’s dad has it.

4) Parenting comes with anguish. So much anguish. 

To me, this theme of doubt and self-reflection is one of the most powerful and heartbreaking aspects of Adolescence. It’s something that all parents can relate to at some point in their journey (🙋🏽‍♀️), and it’s portrayed with such rawness in the show.

Jamie’s parents are trapped in an agonizing loop of self-doubt and second-guessing. Every time something goes wrong, they spiral: 

“Did we fail him? Could we have done more? What did we miss?”

 *Fun fact: There is no such thing as perfect parenting.*

Even with the best intentions, we make mistakes. We’re all learning on the job. And while Jamie’s parents carry immense guilt over what they didn’t do, the show also shows the small but critical things they did right:

✅ They cared deeply.

✅ Even when Jamie shut down, they didn’t stop trying.

✅ They kept the door open.

No matter how much Jamie withdrew, his parents didn’t give up on showing up. Even in their moments of doubt, their love and commitment shine through.  

5) So, now what?!

You’ve either watched Adolescence, or you’re preparing yourself (hopefully with a fresh bag of Barbara's Cheez Puffs or other emotional support snack).

And you’re probably wondering:

🎥 Should I watch it with my kid? Or will it just freak them out?

This is exactly the kind of show that can spark important conversations — but it’s also sensitive, heavy, and requires a thoughtful approach.

Watching it with your kid depends on a few things:

🌟 Age & Maturity: Adolescence is heavy. For preteens or young teens, the themes are intense: online grooming, social media pressures, violence, and toxic masculinity. If your child is around 13+ and emotionally ready, watching together can be valuable. But preview it first!

🌟 Your Kid: If you already have open conversations about tough topics, this can be an opportunity. If your child tends to shut down, it might be better to watch it solo first and bring up parts of it casually later.

🌟 Your Comfort Level: Watching it together gives you live moments to pause and check in, but it’s also okay to watch separately and then debrief if that feels better.

🧡 Pro tip: Even if you watch it alone, let your child know why you’re watching it — and that you’re open to chatting about any of it, anytime.

Let me help you.

Adolescence is a powerful springboard for important conversations with your preteen...but how do you actually get them talking?

I created a free online workshop that gives you a game plan to keep your kid engaged in talking about the very same challenges the kids in Adolescence are quietly (or not-so-quietly) facing:

👉🏼 navigating the pressure cooker that is social media, including disastrous messages about who they should and shouldn't be

👉🏼 appreciating their changing bodies as they compare them to others'

👉🏼 coping with bullying and harassment when all they want is to fit in

In this free workshop, I'll share practical, real-life strategies to help you:

💥 Talk about tough topics in a way that feels doable

💥 Open up honest conversations about social media, peer pressure, and social and emotional health — without your kid tuning you out

💥 Build trust and connection, so your preteen actually wants to come to you when things get hard

💥 Stay calm and confident, even when the online world feels overwhelming

Why don't you join me so we can tackle this together? 

Click the image below to pick a day and a time that works best for you!

Here's to hoping I didn't send any unintentional messages with the emojis I used, 

Saleema 💗

P.S. Want me to go deeper on any of the above? Hit reply and I'll create a Smart Things to Say resource for you!🤓